i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
