Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
