Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
