we're chasing vodka with high fives
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
