i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
