Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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