ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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