i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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