Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found your dick twin last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
