...so i touched it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
