Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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