So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
