So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
