my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
