I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
