and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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