I think I am morally bankrupt
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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