Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
