No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
