Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
