I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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