addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
