So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
