we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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