I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
