i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
