I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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