he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
