Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
