Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize