mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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