3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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