Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
