I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
