why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
