I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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