I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
