my room smells like sperm. sweet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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