Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
