Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
