just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
