i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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