There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
