Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
