i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
