I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
