have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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