never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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