I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
