Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Less talking, more tequila
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
