A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
