Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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