I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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