Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
